"I Saved Aunt Frances From A Pauper's Grave"

 "I Saved Aunt Frances From A Pauper's Grave."

This is the mantra of my cousin, Scott Varley.

He repeats this statement often and to anyone who is available to listen.

Written about in this blog on many posts, he offered to pick up my mother's ashes for me when he was visiting San Diego.

He called me from Neptune and asked if he could pick the ashes up and I agreed as it saved me a big trip.  We all had lived in San Diego forever.

Bird Park in San Diego at Balboa Park

We would meet later and place her ashes at Greenwood where she already owned her plot next to her parents and brothers, one of them being Scott's father.

Moving from San Diego at the height of COVID, with all funerals and burials on hold, I had told Vince at Neptune I would pick up the ashes before Christmas to which he agreed.

Vince had my phone number as we had spoken more than once on the phone.  He never mentioned to me any urgency in getting the ashes nor was I late in picking them up.

I had to speak to Vince and give my permission for Scott to take the ashes as I am the NOK on the Death Certificate and on the Human Remains Permit.

I also have the Durable Power of Attorney, the NOK in the trust and the Advanced Health Care Directive designating me as the one to make decisions for my mother, then my children.

Of course, Scott knew these things since he visited her at the Veterans Home in Chula Vista where she stayed.  He well knew I was in charge of her affairs and often reminded me of her desire to be at Greenwood.  She often spoke of this and was very proud of the fact that she had her arrangements made and paid for well in advance.

scott's words were confusing to me as he identified himself as the ashes savoir.  Reminding him I was never late in getting the ashes and no one ever mentioned this kind of thing to me.  I do understand time frames--being late and being on time.

One of the problems with the 'Pauper's Grave" statement was that he told it to the VA and the burial scheduling office for the NCA.

This created an issue...

philllips, regional director, told me he had to take the words of scott into consideration.  He said my words were irrelevant when I tried to show him that scott had made false statements and, indeed, knew my phone number.

Why did scott do everything in secret without letting me know?

I knew phillips was hanging on these words as he recited the 'pauper's grave' statement back to me on more than one occasion.  I had never used those words but often heard them from scott.

Calling Vince at Neptune in exasperation, one finds this is another false statement from scott varley.  Vince explained he has been in the business for 30 years and he has never used those words.  He said those words have never been used at Neptune and they do not apply.  

Vince assured me he could never have done anything with the ashes unless I gave my consent and further more, the only place they could have gone was Greenwood, the destination on the Human Remains Permit that accompanied the ashes.

Scott sending me The Remains Permit to send to Greenwood in November and in March claiming he did not know my phone number.

Vince told me on Friday, June 9th, 2023, that scott absolutely did not get that phrase from Neptune and he must have gotten it in a different place.  Vince said he would not be able to do anything with the ashes without calling me first.

So where did scott get this story and why did he tell it to the VA and the NCA?

He tried  very hard to create the narrative that I was nowhere to be found and he was very glorius in his actions.

But that is false--he had my phone number all along--speaking with me 4 months before he initially called the burial scheduling office and there was never any emergency about picking up the ashes.

There was never an urgency regarding time as scott indicated.

I told Vince I would definitely be sharing this new information with the burial scheduling office and the cemetery and the regional office of the NCA, and the NCA headquarters,  

I do not want this incorrect information in my mother's file.

Why did scott varley work so hard to paint a picture of me as a derelict regarding my mother.

Here is the question--will phillips be interested?  Do they want the truth or do they want to stay with their false narrative?

I am worried as randy heard, Prescott Cemetery director, said scott varley did not make any false statements.  He boldly proclaimed this to me and then added the 'The VA did not do anything wrong.'

Again, confusing since one other person at the cemetery told me scott varley absolutely made false statements which he had to swear to in an investigation.

It seems like phillips and heard do not want my info and want to create their own narrative....but why.

Keep in mind, we have heard saying he did not have the death cert when he had it all along and still refuses to say if he has the remains permit.

Please take this new information into consideration in any evaluation of the situation.

jay dalrymple, director of The Burial Scheduling Office at the NCA, was not only not interested, but told me that many people make false statements these days.

After trying to complain to someone at the burial scheduling office from the beginning, where scott made his initial false statements,  jay dalrymple's lack of interest or respect for the truth was shocking. 

jay dalrymple said phillips and heard were in charge of everything.  I repeated more than once they were not interested in what I had to say, had lied about the death cert. and said I was irrelevant.

Oddly, jay dalrymple says phillips is in charge of the initial statement and phillips says the scheduling office or jay dalrymple is in charge of the statement.  

Explaining the actions of the National Cemetery Administration were based on false statements by scott varley, he simply was not one bit interested.

I am just going around and around and it is extremely frustrating.

Where do I go with my complaints about dalrymple and phillips?  They refuse to say the name of their superior and are offended if one asks them questions.

dalrymple hung up on me rather than be questioned.  dalrymple, phillips and heard are not courteous--there should be a chain of command regarding complaints.  Certainly, I am not the only person to ever complain.

It states in the NCA policy that Veterans and their loved ones should be treated with courtesy.

Making false statements is not courteous and my mother does not deserve that.

The picture scott has created about me is humiliating and false and it is not dignified for my mother.

Here is Vince at Neptune in San Diego:

619-561-6400

Here is my mother and my doggie girl at the VA home in Chula Vista.