the ronnie republic: a.k.a. The Executioner

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Aug 10, 2015

Homeland Security Alert: Bebe Samba, better known by her housemates as Kitty, a.k.a. The Executioner

Breaking news:

Our home suffered a terrorist attack tonight.

The plotters should have known better than to challenge our ever vigilant Homeland Security. Bebe Samba, better known by her housemates as simply Kitty, but feared by our enemies as The Executioner, has responded to threats against the Homeland since her recruitment in 2003.

In particular, she monitors followers of the Tiny Rodent Indoor State (TRIS), which has emerged in the last few years as the most violent and dangerous terrorist group whose mission is to infest our Homeland.

Spying on the lone terrorist, Kitty sprang into action when the opportunity presented itself.

Although Kitty prefers to capture terrorists and then employ her Enhanced Interrogation methods, tonight's attacker was on a suicide mission and died during the battle with Kitty.

Respecting the tiny rodent culture, authorities immediately wrapped the terrorist's body in paper and encased it in an outdoor tomb.

Presidential candidate Tutu, who currently is Secretary of Homeland Security and who works closely with Kitty, will issue a statement about the attack on Saturday.