Patrick Christys opens up on his battle with alcoholism - ‘I was on the ...

Shared from GB News.

.................................................................

Well done to Patrick Christy.

We have some very bad cases of alcohol in our family and it has really torn up many relationships.

Really, many people's lives in my family have been devastated by alcohol--beyond repair.

Appreciate Patrick talking about these issues and I hope he will keep sharing his story with us.

Thank you, Patrick, and best wishes to you.

102 and what to do: Living with the narcissist

But you don't even like your mother.........

My son quickly reminded me as I suggested he call her on her birthday.

Yes, all of it is true--but what do you do when someone is 102 and insisting the facility will be having a real big celebration in her honor.

Yes, they did take her picture in preparation for the day but fearing there was not really an event scheduled my cousin kindly suggested we make our own celebration.

Okay, what does that mean?

Made a cake, cupcakes, her favorite, German Chocolate with traditional Coconut Pecan Frosting.

Yes, they were delicious and like last year no one ate a bite including the birthday girl, however, the picture was taken.

Balloons--Balloons equal celebration.  Right?

Mother voiced her disapproval often when one of the other residents had balloons tied to their eating area.  "Why are those balloons there, they've been there for over a week?"

Transparency comes with age.....

Not accepting the birthday explanation and repeating the same question endlessly, like all of our conversations, one could interpret balloons may be a success for the lady in question as evidence of a special mark on that day.

Word Search Puzzle Book, a good selection of fluorescent highlighter pens, a real nice card expressing a somewhat truthful sentiment--the card was real pretty and expensive--and balloons tied to a plant with sparkly bows to sit at the table by her chair created the festive atmosphere.  The facility had tied more balloons to her walker and many big wigs came by to wish her a special day.

Off to the cafeteria for lunch and forced to leave my dog outside at the window by our table.  (I wanted to eat outside with the dog as it was a nice day but mother and my cousin had created a plan in advance--it was a gang-up.)

It's always better to have a pit bull at your side when one is with mother.

Yes, we did have a nice lunch and I went out often to give Coco bread, as an avid ACoAer I'm proud to admit I have a co-dependent relationship with a dog.  It's who I am and not open for discussion.

(When mother first saw my beloved and perfect Ronnie she said  "Gee, I don't think I could just walk into your house without knocking," and later reasoned that dog would give up his life for you.)

(After faltering in memory and falling she wanted me to put Ronnie down in order to stay with her.  I was horrified--like I would just put my kid down to accommodate her wishes.)

The grandson called as we were eating and being loud in the cafeteria mother kept repeating who is this?   The name was shouted she exclaimed I can't believe I'm 200.

In conclusion the day turned out well with only a slight amount of resentment retained.

Readers, when my kids were small and going on about how to celebrate Christmas on a budget mother suggested just not telling them it was Christmas and they would not know the difference.  Just skip it.

You know what mother, that's really not why I had kids.

Hypochondria, allergies and nervous breakdowns have been conquered by time and lack of memory--one cannot stand to do the dishes when they have the combo of heart disease and swollen ankles,

The one guy said in ACOA, the group leader, it's your story and your reality.

Saddled with the person so over concerned with their own dilemmas and handily using illness as a manipulative tool she could not be bothered or interested with the activities of kid fun things.

"Oh, don't you remember your birthday party when you were 8 years old and I had a heart attack?

from dear abby: throws daughter under the bus

Daughter Struggles To Resolve Mom's Failure To Defend Her

By Abigail Van Buren12 hours agoDear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 50s, disabled and live with my elderly mother. Between the ages of 8 and 11 I was sexually abused by my adoptive father. My mother finally caught him in the act, but the next day they acted like nothing had happened. He never did it again, and it was never spoken about, ever.

I have read about women who caught their husbands abusing their children and kicked them out, pressed charges, etc. It makes me think I didn't matter enough for her to do that. I confronted her about it a few years ago. Her response was that it would have been in all the papers (my parents were prominent local musicians in our town), and there was no way she could have raised two kids on her own.

I still have a deep ache in my soul that tells me that I don't matter as much as other human beings. I resist going to therapy because I live with her and I know she will quiz me about what we talked about in the sessions. I just want to keep the peace and not risk her going into a tirade about how she "did what she had to do." I don't know what to do. Please help. -- STILL HURTING IN NEVADA

DEAR STILL HURTING: You should absolutely talk about this to a therapist. If your mother demands to know what you're discussing, tell her. If she unleashes a tirade, invite her to accompany you to a session so she can explain to your therapist that she didn't kick her child-molesting husband out because she was afraid she couldn't support herself and two children alone. (Was your sibling also assaulted?)

You and your mom are both adults. You should be able to have a frank discussion without her intimidating you with her anger. If anyone has a right to be angry, it is you. And she should clearly understand how her inaction affected you for all these years, and possibly your sibling, as well.

copied from yahoo.com

Wishing the very, very  best to this strong and courageous lady.....thank you for sharing your story.................my mother has always been very selfish, too.  It never stops being painful--seriously, my mother has thrown me under the bus quite a few times for several different people.  She will do anything to get what she wants when she wants it and if she can convince the other person to vilify me in the process she will pay them in some way...........yes, supporting my ex-husband and his girlfriend to take away my children.   It never ends.......thanks again for sharing.

Ending the Charade--Write it or Perish

Seriously, my mother is killing me......or some would say killing my spirit.

I am losing my mind in a serious way.

My son said....in an angry tone....."MOM, Don't just go there and get all mad again......it's not like your mother is going to start liking you."

97--recently broke her hip.

Her goal is to walk around the building with the cane according to PT.

Actually, she is doing great getting up and around--walking with her walker--to a degree.

So back to our big fight--right--the one we had when I had the audacity to say she needed to exercise...to do some walking.  Would she like to walk around the building with me and Ronnie.

This is the usual pattern...gets real mad and throws me out...I don't know what I am talking about.  OR nurse for 25 years--about the most common surgery, a daily surgery, is the old lady breaking their hip.

Runs over to my ex-husbands house and recounts the story of how awful I am....her favorite term.....to try and tell her what to do.

Imagine--a daughter balling a mother out.

You're trying to tell me what to do.

Arrogant, chin jutting out, Bill O'Reilly style.

Mother routinely searches out these predators to commiserate with them about how tragic and unfair her life has been--the trials and tribulations of raising a daughter like me.

Can everyone please just feel sorry for her.........

So here is the question--what are you suppose to do--tell people you do not want anything to do with mother when they call and say she broke her hip.

When other family members are talking to you in that odd way like there is something wrong with you.

You see, you can't just say to nice normal people you don't care--then you just look even more odd.

What's the point..........

The whole thing is a charade......Mother could not wait to slam me to my ex-husband--yes, mother is friends with my ex-husband and his twenty year girl friend.  But she is resentful at admitting I even had a clue of insightful information.  You don't know what your talking about....I'm too old to exercise.....is one of her favorite statements.

She would never take the opportunity to say I am fabulous to the predatory and small-minded individual.

At the end of the day that would ruin the platform of their relationship.

You see, what most people don't get is that almost every word out of mother's mouth is a lie.  A lie told with a bold tone and then resold with even more arrogance.

Mother unleashed.......

You see, there is never anyone around to say "Gee, Frances, maybe you are hurting Chloe's feelings."

Yes, there was Grandma--amazing Grandma--she could control mother to some degree.  But, alas, my saviour has passed.

I don't think anyone ever really believes me--that is the frustrating part--and then I usually ruin everything even more with anger.

NO--it's the way you talk--you fussed when you were two years old--you've always fussed.

Yes, mother also supports physical violence--husband to wife--again it's the way I talk--"You talk so bad."

What am I doing--I don't know--I'm 62 and still banging my head against the wall--thank God for dogs, children and Grandmas.


So I said to mother let's end the charade--what is to be gained--you're 97--I'm 62......anything can happen when you are 97 having surgery.

So we have stupid F***ing Freddie as the brilliant good Samaritan who is mother's power of attorney.

I said, "Mother, if you have a Joan River's moment I'll just be begging Freddie for information again."  He recently said stay out of San Diego--you're mother doesn't want you here......stay in Wichita....you should get a job.

Remember, it's often said by others....Freddie is only doing what your mother wants.

Another humiliating situation created by mother--right, like the ex-husband.  Remember, mother never takes the opportunity to rectify false information.  It's said Freddie knows the truth.  I haven't figured out the whole Freddie deal yet but something seems odd to me.

Another point........

Keep in mind mother does not want anyone in her room helping her organize so she can get back to normal living--some one might talk about her at the manor--like she does not talk, right.

And here is the other side of it--Mother saw me the other day when she was going to PT and she was smiling and laughing--She seemed so happy to see me at that moment--I was so happy--I can't get that picture out of my mind.  You see, I also feel very sorry for mother--I think she had a tragic younger life.  I should have been a better daughter and kept my mouth shut.  I am so sad about everything.  I should have been smart enough to fix things.

Undone--thanks to anyone for reading.......to be continued

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Does Fred Have a Dog in The Fight......

What is Fred's Dog in the fight.

Ronnie

The story of Fred and mother.

What is the story of Fred and mother.

No, Fred has invested a lot of effort in the situation.  Fred has invested a lot of time in helping mother.  Fred has made a large effort to keep me, the long suffering daughter, at arm's length to mother.

Has Fred ever tried to see me as a human being with value or only as a villain?

An incident took place at Ruth's 92 birthday party that has always been very perplexing to me.

Mother has 4 cousins--all about the same age--they have been very close over the years--somewhat like sisters.....I guess.  They are the children that were the brothers and sisters of Grandpa, the beloved alcoholic.

Marion, Ruth, Mary and Frances.

Frances is my mother--Marion is Freddie's mother.

About six years ago Fred became the power of attorney for mother.  I have said in recent years I am annoyed and embarrassed--as if Freddie is her daughter, not me; I have complained on more than one occasion.

Mother always says the lame excuse that Freddie can lift and has a truck if that would need be--as if she would have to move in a hurry.

Now, this does not make sense, either, as in recent times mother has stated on more than one occasion Freddie is really broke and they only have one car.  "Freddie does not have very much money."

Why is Freddie frequently recounting his financial situation to mother, one would have to ask?

Fred likes to set up televisions and phones for mother--as if I'm too dumb to plug the TV in......something about there only being one plug and I can't reach it--I did suggest an extension cord but that was shot down immediately.  Everything is "funny" at the manor mother said.

Back to the birthday party..............

Mother and I agreed we should go to the birthday party as it was an important family event and Ruth is a brilliant person and everyone really loves her....a lot!

Mother had hinted initially--should she really be bothered--mother can't be bothered with most things and often makes excuses.

It was a Saturday and I had to work that day as I worked just about every Sat--I got off at 3PM--I tried to get off early but I could not.

We were in a time frame as we wanted to get there to see everyone and we were barely making it before the end of the party.

We discussed the details of the logistics of me picking up mother and our time frame in depth.

We went over the fact many times that mother would miss her meal at "the manor" several times as we noted snacks and cake would be at the party.

We said several times, repeatedly, it is more important to go to the party than be in attendance of the evening meal.

Mother has three meals a day a St. Pauls Manor--I guess these meals are extremely important to her as she often uses them as an excuse or reason to do or not do things.

"I don't want to miss my meal," mother seems to enjoy shouting.

We agreed mother will miss her evening meal.

So.............

I got off work--

picked up mother--

took her to the party in El Cajon--

went back to La Mesa to get my dog so he could go out--

let him run around in Ruth's big yard for a few minutes--

went into the party. chatted with people and sat down to have a bite of cake--

people were already beginning to wind up--

there was an album on the table of pictures including pictures of Ann.  I remember Ann--she had polio and Ruth took the best care of Ann.  She lived until she was about 23.......I can still hear her talking and saying "Hi, Sharon."

I really wanted to see those pictures.

Just as I sat down to have a bite of cake and enjoy chatting mother said she wanted to go.

I said to mother wait a minute I just got here and I want to see these pictures and I had to dig for my glasses and everything.

But, as usual, mother was insistent.   I said again for her to wait--we are talking about 5 or ten minutes.

Fred made some mention that mother wanted to go as he was sitting  near.

"Your mother wants to go,"  Freddie boldly informed.

I said I just got here I want to have a bite and see these pictures.  Mother then said I could come back another time and see the pictures.

All of a sudden mother jumped up and said she had to go because she was missing her meal.  The next thing I knew Freddie was escorting her out to the car--quoting her re:  the meal, and of course, I had to run behind.

I have always felt this was an extremely weird situation--I mean, what was the point of the whole thing.

Would Fred ever like to hear my side of the story.

Would Fred believe me.

Would anyone believe me.

Does Fred think I am capable of plugging in a television.

Would Fred ever say to mother.......gee, I love helping you with everything but I think Sharon would like to buy you a television and phone once in a while and plug it in.  I think we might be hurting her feelings.

Hmmm.....Sharon is the daughter but I wonder if she is actually capable of doing anything.  Would it be better for me to always look good at Sharon's expense......After all, I'm just doing what Frances wants.

When Ruth called up and told my wife the scoop......no, wait, I'll just pretend I don't know that.

Does Fred want to know the truth......does Fred care.

Did mother ever have her meal that day at the manor......was she hungry?

The other remaining question........


Is mother a millionaire as she told me her cousin's suggested to her and she denied?

Oh, I'm sure mother enjoyed that reputation but in reality I think mother is broke like every one else.


It was so fun seeing those people that day--that situation would never really take place again.......and, oh, by the way, Ruth likes me.........

What is the upshot--I guess really mother does not want me and I have to accept that.  It seems like mother had to play along as long as Grandma was strong but as soon as she became weak mother is always looking for justification for throwing me out--Fred and his mother are always very willing to supply the proper answers.

What is the goal of Fred Carrick--does he have a dog in the fight.

If he is just acting as a good Samaritan as he often claims wouldn't he ultimately want to know the truth?

Wouldn't he want to get to know me?

Wouldn't he want to establish a relationship with me and communicate.

Yes--Freddie and mother have secrets.  Yes--it's embarrassing and frustrating.

Mother never said thank you to me that day after all of that running around.......

I did get to be good friends with Ruth.....she is a wonderful person and she likes me, too.  I guess both Freddie and mother have been acting up for quite a while.  I love Ruth--she is an amazing lady.  Sometimes we visit and chat on the phone, too--that's a good thing.

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So there is hope for mother.....CAN NARCISSISTS BE HEALED? Notice the squirrel

What.....at 97......maybe not......I'm afraid mother did suffer very many taumas, particularly in her young life.



This may have caused her to feel she was God, Bill O'Reilly or a ballroom dancer.....all of the same in mother's mind.



The terrorized became the terrorist........lack of compassion for anyone or anything.......yet everyone should feel very sorry for mother........yes, that would be having a daughter and then having to get a job........which seriously reduced her available time for ballroom dancing.



And this is why she is angry with me because I have ruined her life.



Thanks, Dr. Sam, I'm starting to get it now.

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Okay, Dr. Sam, it seems like you do have quite a few good ideas, but would you mind talking to my mother.......

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mother is bill o'reilly

"You're balling me out!"

That's what mother always says...

You're balling me out!

Mother shouts and then looks at me with the indignance of bill o'reilly.

Mother is bill o'reilly.

mother loves to make proclamations in an arrogant fashion.

What she says is true.

Its just when you're a kid it's hard to tell the difference of what is real and what isn't....particularly when someone is shouting what you perceive to be a fact at you....it's not until you are older and think about it that one may guess that tidbit you held onto forever may not be based on an actual truth.

You're too little--you don't have the where with all--you're hit with a blast--just trying to survive the blast not to decipher if the insult is true or false.

Back to balling out.....

I said, "People get angry when someone testifies in court against them for them to lose their children--on the side of the ex-husband, twice."

mother said she didn't do it.

I said, you did, I saw you there.

Mother said well, I really didn't say anything.

What's the point?..........

I get so angry with mother but she throws me out, or hangs up, or says real, real stupid things like...

Imagine, a daughter balling a mother out, why, I never would have balled my mother out.

She says with an unbelievable indignance. .....

okay...well, I'm just saying mother is frustrating....I'm really not a bad person.

but, most of all, thanks for reading.