from dear abby: throws daughter under the bus

Daughter Struggles To Resolve Mom's Failure To Defend Her

By Abigail Van Buren12 hours agoDear Abby

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 50s, disabled and live with my elderly mother. Between the ages of 8 and 11 I was sexually abused by my adoptive father. My mother finally caught him in the act, but the next day they acted like nothing had happened. He never did it again, and it was never spoken about, ever.

I have read about women who caught their husbands abusing their children and kicked them out, pressed charges, etc. It makes me think I didn't matter enough for her to do that. I confronted her about it a few years ago. Her response was that it would have been in all the papers (my parents were prominent local musicians in our town), and there was no way she could have raised two kids on her own.

I still have a deep ache in my soul that tells me that I don't matter as much as other human beings. I resist going to therapy because I live with her and I know she will quiz me about what we talked about in the sessions. I just want to keep the peace and not risk her going into a tirade about how she "did what she had to do." I don't know what to do. Please help. -- STILL HURTING IN NEVADA

DEAR STILL HURTING: You should absolutely talk about this to a therapist. If your mother demands to know what you're discussing, tell her. If she unleashes a tirade, invite her to accompany you to a session so she can explain to your therapist that she didn't kick her child-molesting husband out because she was afraid she couldn't support herself and two children alone. (Was your sibling also assaulted?)

You and your mom are both adults. You should be able to have a frank discussion without her intimidating you with her anger. If anyone has a right to be angry, it is you. And she should clearly understand how her inaction affected you for all these years, and possibly your sibling, as well.

copied from yahoo.com

Wishing the very, very  best to this strong and courageous lady.....thank you for sharing your story.................my mother has always been very selfish, too.  It never stops being painful--seriously, my mother has thrown me under the bus quite a few times for several different people.  She will do anything to get what she wants when she wants it and if she can convince the other person to vilify me in the process she will pay them in some way...........yes, supporting my ex-husband and his girlfriend to take away my children.   It never ends.......thanks again for sharing.