National Cemetery Administration News--CYA at The NCA

 Trying so hard to tell the story of my mother's ashes.

My cousin had the ashes after picking them up for me with my consent--It saved me a trip.

But later when I wanted to wait to place the ashes he put her at Prescott National Cemetery behind my back.

Mother and I were outraged--she does not want to suffer the heat or the cold of Arizona after living in San Diego forever.

Here is the Grape Street Dog Park in Balboa Park in San Diego featuring Ronnie:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/A4sByWfo73gAGZBh7

She already owned her plot at Greenwood in San Diego by her parents and her brothers--one being my cousin's father.

OMG--what a mix-up.

They keep givng me policy.

According to policy one has to ID themselves as the one designated to take care of the remains.

Obviusly, he had to create a false narrative.

He insisted I did not exist or had no interest in the ashes but he forgot to say we had 16 phone calls between us talking about her placement.

One is required to ID the NOK per the scheduling office and give their phone number.

He failed to mention I had the trust with the advanced health care directive.

I am mentioned as the daughter on the remains permit and the death cert.

Four months later when the talks started he claimed he had no way to get a hold of me or knew where I was....so he said.

He stated there was an individual at the scheduling office or cemetery who agreed with his idea completely of placeing the ashes without my knowledge claiming he would give me the name and phone number.  I could call this number for my own info.

That was a few weeks ago before he quit speaking with me again.

Bird Park, Balboa Park in San Diego

Back to policy....

We do not get involved in family issues.

Seriously, that is a good umbrella term for them to stick with in order to absolve themselves from any resonsibility.

There are so many questions and issues with this incident but how does one complain?

Right now, in this post I would like to complain about not being able to report the burial scheduling office.  I want to invistigate in detail what happened.

On the issue of policy, is this really a family issue or is it a screw up on their part?

They are so careful in their wording--Mr. Phillips recently said he was going to put a note in the file about me being the daughter.

What does that mean.  They have all of the info now including the legal documents.

I have explained to Mr. Phillips I want to go into what happened at the scheduling office but he keeps giving me the 800 number.

I have called that number about 10 times and there is not a way to get to a supervisor.

They will not get back to me.

It seems like they do not want me to go up this road.

Now, I am just writing here in frustration and hoping someone at the National Cemetery Administration will be interested.

What information is there to be found at the burial scheduling office.  Do they not want to answer questions...or maybe they do not want to take the information.

This thing has resulted in extreme confusion, expense and heartache....not to mention sleeplessness and migrain headaches.

I feel like I have lost my mother.

I wish my cousin had not made statements to me that he was better able to take care of my mother than I was.  At the end of the day shaming someone is an ugly move...no two ways about it.

Anyone who reads this--thank you for reading.

Mother, do not,worry, I will come and get you and we will go to SD soon.

Dog Beach San Diego

Ronald

Some other posts on this subject:

https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/buried-by-national-cemetery.html

https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/national-cemetery-administration.html

https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/va-burials-flaws-in-system-where-is.html

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NCA--CYA National Cemetery Administration--He said I was Irrelevant

 My e-mails, my remarks, my conversation, my phone messages--he said they were irrelevant to the case.

This is what I am talking about...the 300 hundred dollars spent trying to obtain the court order was definitely not irrelevant to me.

The entire day, the money, the emotional stress--these are important to me and I am trying to create the narrative.

They do not want to hear it.

The things you said were really irrelevant to the case.

I do not think they care and I do not call this dignity for my mother.

Again, he did not want to admit she already owned her plot at Greenwood in San Diego.

I do not think that is irrelevant because I am trying to establish a time line and the false narrative created by my cousin.

You see, one time he said he had to consider my cousin's words.  I am asking him to consider my words.

I do not think they care about my mother.  They only care about CYA or absolving themselves from any repsponsibility.

They are only interested in the court order.

So I went to get the court order locally based on the information given to me by the cemetery director.

He said in our phone call he was sure it would be very easy to get, I could just go locally, yes, I said that to the judge.

The judge said...a lot of people say a lot of things but I do not have jurisdiction!

Yes, it was embarrassing.

My statements are irrelevant!  Not to me!

I think they should be helping me in some way since they created it.

I feel like it is cruel.

I have to write it--one cannot hold it inside.

In one breath he said he simply could not help with an affadavit because he has so many disinternments he would be doing nothing else except handing out affadavits all day.

In the same conversation he said he knew nothing about the order for a disinterment because he really did not have that many and he was not a lawyer.

I bet he does know that the order has to originate in AZ.

If he does or does not have many or not many disinternments.

So many folks in the VA system say sompletely different things.  One fellow said to call the police.

Seriously, do I have to mention the police were not interested.

So I think...it would be nice if they cared rather than say my remarks were irrelevant to the case.

Yes, I get the court order thing, I am working on it but it is extremely difficult, but I think my story is well, interesting, and I would like to tell everyone.

It is important to me, my mother and the 300 dollars.

That is not irrelevant to me.

The picture the VA paints of themselves is really so absurd and ugly.

They are a giant government entity--I am just one person with my mother's ashes in the offing.  They should at least act like they have some empathy for all of the distress they are causing by their actions.

I'd be so lost without the kitty.

Some other posts on this subject:

https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/buried-by-national-cemetery.html

https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/national-cemetery-administration.html

https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/va-burials-flaws-in-system-where-is.html

Buried by The National Cemetery Administration Under False Pretenses and Calling it Dignity

False Pretenses:

Behavior intended to deceive others.

I would like to contact the firm.

How does one contact the firm--The National Cemetery Administration--and complain.  I would like to make a complaint about my mother being buried in Prescott, AZ, under false pretenses. 

 My cousin falsely stated that he was the person designated to be in charge of my mother's remains.

When he called the burial scheduling office did he mention I was the person in her trust designated to take care of these issues.

Did he mention to the scheduling office she already owned her plot at Greenwood in San Diego next to her parents and his father.

Did he mention that we had discussed Greenwood and their prices.

Did he mention we had discussed getting a headstone from the VA and how one goes about it.

Was it mentioned in the conversation that we had spoken only 4 months earlier and he refused to answer my last phone call.

Can anyone see why this daughter is outraged.  How would I ever visit my mother is Prescott, Arizona?

So far, in my conversations with the VA, the only thing they can say is that they did not do it.  Proclaiming dignity does not erase their act.

Will they ever take responsibility for their actions based on false pretenses.

Will they acknowledge that this is a frustrating and agravating and expensive event for the consumer.

Thank you for reading.

 » National Cemetery Administration » Facts » Consumer Affairs Guidance

CYA at the NCA--Let's look into what happened.

National Cemetery Administration

 

Consumer Affairs Guidance

VA cemetery staff sometime receive complaints about policies or practices in the private sector that Veterans and their families find offensive or misleading. In many cases, staff cannot intervene, but there are organizations that may be able to help. Consumers may want to contact the references listed here. The important thing is to select the most constructive approach to resolving your particular concerns.

Contact the Firm

Call or write the firm directly. Find out what is actually being offered. Let the firm know why you object to their practices or policies. Many times a cemetery or funeral home is owned by a larger business. If so, it may be worthwhile to write the parent company to express a complaint.

National Cemetery Administration--Burials With Dignity--Seriously

 People, when you write it you share it.

It is a helpful  thing for frustration.

How does the NCA verify information?  How did they verify the facts given to them by my cousin?

The National Cemetery Administration is the government arm of burials for veterans.  It is run by the VA--the Veterans Administration.

I think most of the time they do a very good job--but there are glitches in the system.

My cousin had my mother's ashes.  I foolishly agreed to let him pick them up for me--it did save a trip.

Full of revenge and angry with me for being indecisive my cousin placed her ashes behind my back at Prescott National Cemetery.

 38 CFR § 38.600 Personal Representative

A “Personal representative” means a family member or other individual who has identified himself or herself to the National Cemetery Administration as the person responsible for making decisions concerning the interment of the remains of or memorialization of a deceased individual.”  Hence, “Personal representative” (PR) is an umbrella term, which encompass the Next of Kin (NOK).  Note:  38 CFR 38.600(a) Personal representative definition allows NCA to accept anyone who identifies as the person responsible for making decisions concerning the interment of remains of or memorialization of a deceased individual. 

Annoyed with Greenwood, I wanted to wait.  I wanted to wait until I could afford it and I was starting to consider Miramar at a friend's suggestion.

Scott was never the person responsible for making decisions about my mother--this is in the trust and with the advanced health care directive in the trust.

He started his talks with the burial scheduling office in March claiming he had not heard from me in years and he had no idea where I was.  This is what he said to me in a recent phone call before he quit talking to me again.

Did he mention we had spoken in November when I said I could not afford the trip to San Diego?

 

Did he mention to the scheduling office she already owned her plot at Greenwood.

Did he mention I had been chatting with Greenwood about the price..one can see my text on a different post.

To the individual at NCA:

Please do not throw out everything I suggest because it looks like you are only interested in absolving yourself from any responsibility and it is terribly uncaring.  Like the time you did not want to admit I was the daughter.....and not dignified.

They really like to talk about dignity.

In this instance your policy is very flawed and creates a huge mess and definitely is not dignified for the NOK of the person who has passed.  Scott falsely identified himself as NOK when he knew I was completely available....we have this on date and time with text and e-mails to Greenwood....and phone calls with date and time.

It seems like they are being so careful with their words.

Could it be they do not want to make a statement clarifying that Scott made false statements.

The other hurtful part:

Scott loves rolling in his own glory--he is good and I am bad.  Hard core trumper at heart he loves mentioning the wild policies of Gerry Brown and since I love Hillary Clinton, Kamala Harris and other dems it seems like this gives him leeway to disregard everything I say.

He acted as if my mother did not like me and therefore he had the right to make these decisions just because he was so grand.

I know I took good care of my mother in her final years...and did Scott ever live with mother?

Why did the guy at the NCA mention to me he put a note in the files that I was the daughter.  Was that after he finally said who I was, or what?

He keeps talking about his counsel...I do not have counsel.

"I did the right thing for Aunt Frances, go ahead and sue me."

Seriously, Scott, wouldn't it have been easier to just give me a call.

One wonders if the burial office noted that I was the NOK on the DD214 they had to access in order to dtermine eligibility for her burial.

But why did you lie Scott, why.  I've got a history of 16 phone calls between us from the first of the year until November....why did you tell them you had no way to get a hold of me 4 months later.

My mother wanted to be at Greenwood in San Diego by her mother and father and brothers, Scott's dad...I was never worried about time.

Greenwood raised their prices 1000 dollars in 6 months--just to dig the hole in the ground.

Trust me on this one, people, if it ws the other way around and mother was trying to put me in the ground she would definitely be looking for the least expensive option.

The doggy girl was getting so old to make the trip.

March 20, after a message, which he would not respond to, he placed mother's ashes claiming he did not know where I was or how to get a hold of me.

Why?

Here is a post with more information:

https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/va-burials-flaws-in-system-where-is.html

Thank you for reading.

Scott told the VA he id not know how to get in touch with me.

Scott said he did not know how to get in touch with me but here he is sending me the Remains Permit to send to Greenwood where my mother owned her plot next to his father.

I wish the VA would have invited me to my mother's service.

VA Burials--Flaws in the System--Where is the Dignity

Update:

Jan. 27, 2024

There seems to be a huge issue about getting the will and trust into the file.  The National Cemetery Administration is going out of their way not to put the will and trust into the file.  The will and trust names me, the daughter, as the Next of Kin and the agent in charge of her remains.

So frustrated with this Veterans Administration policy on burials--there is nothing left to do but write.

My cousin hijacked my mother's ashes--basically pretending to the VA I did not exist.

He had offered to pick them up for me in San Diego where we all had lived forever.

We both lived in other places now and I stupidly agreed...it saved me the trip and it was getting near the time I had said I would get them.

San Diego Neptune said to pick them up before Christmas and I agreed.

I was never late in picking them up--one understands time frames--this is a salient point to the story.

I think they must have been inundated with remains and they were filling up fast with ashes after COVID,

My cousin had engaged in endless self-congrulatory statements about saving the ashes and my mother.

We were to meet later and place her at Greenwood...but the prices kept going up...even when she owned the plot.

High gas prices and car rental, a lovely old doggy girl and another family member not able to make it and I renegged on the trip--basically due to cost.

I was never worried about time....but the cousin was and this created the problem.

He claimed he had not heard from me in years and I was totally uninterested--he buried her behind my back in revenge.

Yes, they had the 21 gun salute he gloated, and I was the only one there.

Of course he was the only one there--why didn't he call me.

Oh, I have given them a ton of facts trying to move mother to Miramar in San Diego but they will not listen.

Remembering I had my old phone, I dug up a history of plenty of phone calls and texts between the cousin and myself--yes, it more than proves my point that I really do exist.

The director of the cems says it is a moot point--according to counsel.

Of course they can't listen--it would prove all of my points and that my cousin was a bold faced liar--again congratulating himself on his actions.

I was never worried about time--mother named me to take care of her--I did take good care of her.

It is humilating--it is not a dignified burial.

Here's the thing--my cousin has listed himself as NOK at the cem and I guess as punishment and revenge for waiting, he wants to keep it that way.

Well, my phone calls make the point and he has asked me not to send him any more information--obviously he does not want to hear the truth.

According to counsel...........

My counsel.

Did Scott have my number?

Why wasn't I invited to the service?

A history of my phone calls showing communication with my cousin, Scott.  He told the VA he did not know how to get in touch with me.

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Happy Birthday to Frances Zena Varley Barclay 1914--2020

 Frances Zena Varley was born in San Diego in 1914.

She lived in North Park.

She loved San Diego.

Frances joined the WAVES to help out with the war effort during WW2.

Being a member of the WAVES was a very important part of her life--she always mentioned it as one of her best accomplishments.

Hoover High School was a big part of her life.

She often stayed with her Aunt Zena in Orange, Ca.  As Aunt Zena progressed in her life and reached an advanced age Frances did a very wonderful job of taking care of her.

Aunt Zena and her Gran, Helen Arnim were great influences in her life and she loved them very much ....and she loved Orange.

Mary Varley, Marion Strum and Ruth Harget were her cousins and they were great friends until the end of their lives--all living in the San Diego area.

Mary Varley and Aunt Hannah at Mission Cliffs Gardens--1927

Oil painting was one of her talents and hobbies.

Not to mention her love for genealogy and unending search for information on her great grandmother, Hezena Beall.

Her brothers were George Lovell Varley and Richard Byron Varley, Jr.  she always admired her brothers.

As her years progressed she resided in the Veterans Home in Chula Vista.

She passed at 103 after life of exercise and a healthy diet.