Les' Melnyk's Beef

 

jay dalrymple's Nuggets

 

jay dalrymple had to comment on my financial situation--what did that have to do with anything--I had an agreement to meet with scott in November to place my mother at Greenwood but when I wanted to wait scott became angry.  I was never worried about time.

From the tone and subject matter one might guess this communication could be from jay dalrymple.

Do keep in mind it is mr dalrymple who told me many folks make false statements today and hung up one me.

One wonders if mr dalyrymple would be so cavalier if it was his mother that was buried without his knowledge.

One would kindly ask mr dalrymple for empathy at a time like this.

As far as his "interesting nugget" of information goes...my mother's cremation was paid for years in advance.  She had paid for her cremation at Neptune and her plot at Greenwood next to her mother and father and her brother's one of them being scott's father.

She was very proud of this fact and often repeated it and scott often reminded me of this.

There was never any kind of money agreement with scott varley.

I probably did say I was on a budget and the trip to San Diego would cost about 6 thousand and I preferred to wait until prices were lower.  Scott did not want me to wait, became angry and buried her without my knowledge.

I have shown the text where scott sent me the remains permit for me to send to Greenwood.  Greenwood did raise their prices from 2000 to 3000 in six months.  I felt this was expensive when she thought everything was paid for in advance.

scott merely called and asked if he could pick up the ashes for me as a favor as he was visiting San Diego where we all lived forever.

I felt we had a good relationship and foolishly agreed, never guessing this horrible fiasco would ensue.

In my job, as an operating room nurse for 25 years, one has to be all about the facts.

My point is that I guess I expect other people to take their job seriously and be about the facts, too.  We cannot lie or make false statements.  Not only would someone find out immediately, but, honestly, would you really want someone bringing you in the operating  room for a surgery who was not being careful with the facts.  You know what I mean--right arm / left arm--you get my drift.

Why would jay dalrymple find it to be such an "interesting nugget of information"  to know that I was on a budget?  More than that, what if I honestly did not have any money, Would that give scott varley the right to bury my mother without my knowledge when I am listed in the will and trust to be in charge of her remains and carry out her wishes.

mr randy heard ends all of his e-mails with the quote from John Lewis to make a good noise.

But when I ask questions and try to make a noise people have complained they have spent too much time talking to me.  Do keep in mind I am asking why randy heard dodged the questions repeatedly about the remains permit when we know now he had it all along.

Do keep in mind randy heard said I was not notified about the service because he didn't know about me but now we see with the FOIA he knew about me all along as I was listed as a NOK on the paperwork.

I have asked the NCA to acknowledge that my cousin scott varley willfully withheld information so I would not know he was burying my mother in Prescott.  There is plenty of evidence showing he had my phone number.  Would randy heard or John Lewis think that is a good noise?

So when I have asked the NCA repeatedly to admit that scott varley lied I do not appreciate one person saying I had issues with mental health.  Does it mean I have an issue with mental health when I merely asked the NCA to admit the truth.

Remember randy heard said scott varley did not make any false statements and the VA did not do anything wrong.

And remember, it was sworn to in an investigation that scott varley absolutely made false statements--this was from a person at the cemetery.

Do the people at the NCA think it is a joke that my cousin said I did the right thing for Aunt Frances--we had a 21 gun salute and I was the only one there.

He simply could have called me up.

Do the people at the NCA think I am mentally ill because I had to endure my other cousin, jean, scott's sister sending me an expletive ridden e-mail when someone must have said something about exhuming ashes-words i never use--simply because she became aware of the fact that I wanted to move my mother's ashes to where she owned her plot.

I do not appreciate the sentiment of the NCA regarding this humiliating and extremely hurtful event.

What if I was broke, what if I was mentally ill, what if I was homeless, what if I never wanted to bury the ashes but keep them with me........

Does that give scott varley the right to lie about me, about my contact information and to bury my mother's ashes without letting me know.

My mother put me in charge of the disposition of her remains, not scott varly, and not the NCA to make decisions for me.

I am sending the trust again where I am named the NOK and the agent in charge of her remains.   Please read 6.3 where it says I am the agent in charge of her remains.

Do me a favor, please read it--you can skim most of it--it does not really take that long.

In my job we take care of people, regardless of their income, home situation or their mental health--all of those people need surgery and if I put a derogatory remark in the chart questioning someone asking too many questions, their budget or their mental health I would be fired--it is simply not allowed.

One would suggest the same respect from the NCA and the VA, particularly when they cannot stop talking about dignity.

Please have some respect for my situation.

Thank you for your time,

Sharon McDowell

National Cemetery Administration News--CYA at The NCA

 Trying so hard to tell the story of my mother's ashes.

My cousin had the ashes after picking them up for me with my consent--It saved me a trip.

But later when I wanted to wait to place the ashes he put her at Prescott National Cemetery behind my back.

Mother and I were outraged--she does not want to suffer the heat or the cold of Arizona after living in San Diego forever.

Here is the Grape Street Dog Park in Balboa Park in San Diego featuring Ronnie:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/A4sByWfo73gAGZBh7

She already owned her plot at Greenwood in San Diego by her parents and her brothers--one being my cousin's father.

OMG--what a mix-up.

They keep givng me policy.

According to policy one has to ID themselves as the one designated to take care of the remains.

Obviusly, he had to create a false narrative.

He insisted I did not exist or had no interest in the ashes but he forgot to say we had 16 phone calls between us talking about her placement.

One is required to ID the NOK per the scheduling office and give their phone number.

He failed to mention I had the trust with the advanced health care directive.

I am mentioned as the daughter on the remains permit and the death cert.

Four months later when the talks started he claimed he had no way to get a hold of me or knew where I was....so he said.

He stated there was an individual at the scheduling office or cemetery who agreed with his idea completely of placeing the ashes without my knowledge claiming he would give me the name and phone number.  I could call this number for my own info.

That was a few weeks ago before he quit speaking with me again.

Bird Park, Balboa Park in San Diego

Back to policy....

We do not get involved in family issues.

Seriously, that is a good umbrella term for them to stick with in order to absolve themselves from any resonsibility.

There are so many questions and issues with this incident but how does one complain?

Right now, in this post I would like to complain about not being able to report the burial scheduling office.  I want to invistigate in detail what happened.

On the issue of policy, is this really a family issue or is it a screw up on their part?

They are so careful in their wording--Mr. Phillips recently said he was going to put a note in the file about me being the daughter.

What does that mean.  They have all of the info now including the legal documents.

I have explained to Mr. Phillips I want to go into what happened at the scheduling office but he keeps giving me the 800 number.

I have called that number about 10 times and there is not a way to get to a supervisor.

They will not get back to me.

It seems like they do not want me to go up this road.

Now, I am just writing here in frustration and hoping someone at the National Cemetery Administration will be interested.

What information is there to be found at the burial scheduling office.  Do they not want to answer questions...or maybe they do not want to take the information.

This thing has resulted in extreme confusion, expense and heartache....not to mention sleeplessness and migrain headaches.

I feel like I have lost my mother.

I wish my cousin had not made statements to me that he was better able to take care of my mother than I was.  At the end of the day shaming someone is an ugly move...no two ways about it.

Anyone who reads this--thank you for reading.

Mother, do not,worry, I will come and get you and we will go to SD soon.

Dog Beach San Diego

Ronald

Some other posts on this subject:

https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/buried-by-national-cemetery.html

https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/national-cemetery-administration.html

https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/va-burials-flaws-in-system-where-is.html