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National Cemetery Administration News--The Tale of Mother's Ashes
The Veterans Administration has not been helpful.
Infact, they have been confusing and it appears that they are going out of their way to absolve themselves of any responsibility--even though they did it.
Admire their idea to bury veterans so that someone who is in a precarious situation may have a final placement with dignity after serving their country--this is so lovely.
My mother does not fall into this category and the policies they they keep repeating to me with all the emotions of a robot just do not apply.
They say they care but after several weeks of dealing with them and trying to understand their conflicting statements one could come to the conclusion that the only ones they really care about are themselves.
My mother is the veteran, served her country proudly in the WAVES and had an advanced health care directive in place and named me in her trust as Next Of Kin and the one designated to handle her affairs.
She wsa so proud of the fact that she had everything in order--her cremation at Neptune and owning her plot at Greenwood in San Diego next to her parents and her brothers.
Scott does not listen...
We both had moved from SD after living there forever. Visiting San Diego, Scott offered to pick up the ashes for me from Neptune. Agreeing to this idea since it saved me from making a big trip.
Mother passed at the heigth of COVID and funerals and burials were shut down. We had often discussed her burial at Greenwood next to his father and her parents.
We agreed to meet in San Diego in November but I had to cancel due to expense and circumstances. Greenwood was raising their price to 3000 dollars from 2 thousand in the span of 6 months. Car rental and gas were at an all-time high.
What was a day drive for Scott was turning into a 5,000 dollar trip for me that I just could not afford at the time.
Apologizing for not being able to make the trip and canceling one could sense a note of anger in the conversation.
Time was never a concern and one should have asked for the ashes to be mailed in retrospect.
In anger and revenge Scott placed mother's ashes at Prescott National Cemetery without my knowledge.
Calling Scott again to apologize for canceling he would not answer my call or text.
I'll let him cool off for a while.
Scott made flase statements to the National Cemetery Administration:
Full well knowing there was an advanced health care directive, full well knowing I am the Next of Kin and with a history of 16 phone calls within the past year, Scott claimed to the VA I did not exist and he had no idea in the world how to get in touch with me.
This was 4 months after we had last spoken and he had sent me the Human Remains form to send to Greenwood.
So now the National Cemetery Administration has all of this information. They should be interested in helping me correct this situation. They should care. They should be partially responsible for the fact that they buried mother on false pretenses against her wishes.
The facts are there. The way to correct this mistake is difficult and expensive.....and very hard for me to figure out--I am not a lawyer.
Let them act interested and treat this very wonderful Veteran with dignity.
Would you like to share your story about pet loss.
Recently losing 3 pets my heart is broken.
A class on pet loss was helpful.
Talking is energy and hearing the story of thers with the same experience can be important when we are trying to make sense of this loss.
How do you memorialize your beloved?
What did you find helpful at this time of change in your routine.
chloe.louise.langendorf.louis@gmail.com
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| Chloe Louise Langendorf Louis |
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Kat was our colleague and our friend, and she will be greatly missed. Please enjoy this video tribute that includes some of our favorite moments from her time with us.
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Trying so hard to tell the story of my mother's ashes.
My cousin had the ashes after picking them up for me with my consent--It saved me a trip.
But later when I wanted to wait to place the ashes he put her at Prescott National Cemetery behind my back.
Mother and I were outraged--she does not want to suffer the heat or the cold of Arizona after living in San Diego forever.
Here is the Grape Street Dog Park in Balboa Park in San Diego featuring Ronnie:
https://photos.app.goo.gl/A4sByWfo73gAGZBh7
She already owned her plot at Greenwood in San Diego by her parents and her brothers--one being my cousin's father.
OMG--what a mix-up.
They keep givng me policy.
According to policy one has to ID themselves as the one designated to take care of the remains.
Obviusly, he had to create a false narrative.
He insisted I did not exist or had no interest in the ashes but he forgot to say we had 16 phone calls between us talking about her placement.
One is required to ID the NOK per the scheduling office and give their phone number.
He failed to mention I had the trust with the advanced health care directive.
I am mentioned as the daughter on the remains permit and the death cert.
Four months later when the talks started he claimed he had no way to get a hold of me or knew where I was....so he said.
He stated there was an individual at the scheduling office or cemetery who agreed with his idea completely of placeing the ashes without my knowledge claiming he would give me the name and phone number. I could call this number for my own info.
That was a few weeks ago before he quit speaking with me again.
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| Bird Park, Balboa Park in San Diego |
Back to policy....
We do not get involved in family issues.
Seriously, that is a good umbrella term for them to stick with in order to absolve themselves from any resonsibility.
There are so many questions and issues with this incident but how does one complain?
Right now, in this post I would like to complain about not being able to report the burial scheduling office. I want to invistigate in detail what happened.
On the issue of policy, is this really a family issue or is it a screw up on their part?
They are so careful in their wording--Mr. Phillips recently said he was going to put a note in the file about me being the daughter.
What does that mean. They have all of the info now including the legal documents.
I have explained to Mr. Phillips I want to go into what happened at the scheduling office but he keeps giving me the 800 number.
I have called that number about 10 times and there is not a way to get to a supervisor.
They will not get back to me.
It seems like they do not want me to go up this road.
Now, I am just writing here in frustration and hoping someone at the National Cemetery Administration will be interested.
What information is there to be found at the burial scheduling office. Do they not want to answer questions...or maybe they do not want to take the information.
This thing has resulted in extreme confusion, expense and heartache....not to mention sleeplessness and migrain headaches.
I feel like I have lost my mother.
I wish my cousin had not made statements to me that he was better able to take care of my mother than I was. At the end of the day shaming someone is an ugly move...no two ways about it.
Anyone who reads this--thank you for reading.
Mother, do not,worry, I will come and get you and we will go to SD soon.
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| Ronald |
Some other posts on this subject:
https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/buried-by-national-cemetery.html
https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/national-cemetery-administration.html
https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/va-burials-flaws-in-system-where-is.html
My e-mails, my remarks, my conversation, my phone messages--he said they were irrelevant to the case.
This is what I am talking about...the 300 hundred dollars spent trying to obtain the court order was definitely not irrelevant to me.
The entire day, the money, the emotional stress--these are important to me and I am trying to create the narrative.
They do not want to hear it.
The things you said were really irrelevant to the case.
I do not think they care and I do not call this dignity for my mother.
Again, he did not want to admit she already owned her plot at Greenwood in San Diego.
I do not think that is irrelevant because I am trying to establish a time line and the false narrative created by my cousin.
You see, one time he said he had to consider my cousin's words. I am asking him to consider my words.
I do not think they care about my mother. They only care about CYA or absolving themselves from any repsponsibility.
They are only interested in the court order.
So I went to get the court order locally based on the information given to me by the cemetery director.
He said in our phone call he was sure it would be very easy to get, I could just go locally, yes, I said that to the judge.
The judge said...a lot of people say a lot of things but I do not have jurisdiction!
Yes, it was embarrassing.
My statements are irrelevant! Not to me!
I think they should be helping me in some way since they created it.
I feel like it is cruel.
I have to write it--one cannot hold it inside.
In one breath he said he simply could not help with an affadavit because he has so many disinternments he would be doing nothing else except handing out affadavits all day.
In the same conversation he said he knew nothing about the order for a disinterment because he really did not have that many and he was not a lawyer.
I bet he does know that the order has to originate in AZ.
If he does or does not have many or not many disinternments.
So many folks in the VA system say sompletely different things. One fellow said to call the police.
Seriously, do I have to mention the police were not interested.
So I think...it would be nice if they cared rather than say my remarks were irrelevant to the case.
Yes, I get the court order thing, I am working on it but it is extremely difficult, but I think my story is well, interesting, and I would like to tell everyone.
It is important to me, my mother and the 300 dollars.
That is not irrelevant to me.
The picture the VA paints of themselves is really so absurd and ugly.
They are a giant government entity--I am just one person with my mother's ashes in the offing. They should at least act like they have some empathy for all of the distress they are causing by their actions.
Some other posts on this subject:
https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/buried-by-national-cemetery.html
https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/national-cemetery-administration.html
https://theronnierepublic.blogspot.com/2023/03/va-burials-flaws-in-system-where-is.html
False Pretenses:
Behavior intended to deceive others.
I would like to contact the firm.
How does one contact the firm--The National Cemetery Administration--and complain. I would like to make a complaint about my mother being buried in Prescott, AZ, under false pretenses.
My cousin falsely stated that he was the person designated to be in charge of my mother's remains.
When he called the burial scheduling office did he mention I was the person in her trust designated to take care of these issues.
Did he mention to the scheduling office she already owned her plot at Greenwood in San Diego next to her parents and his father.
Did he mention that we had discussed Greenwood and their prices.
Did he mention we had discussed getting a headstone from the VA and how one goes about it.
Was it mentioned in the conversation that we had spoken only 4 months earlier and he refused to answer my last phone call.
Can anyone see why this daughter is outraged. How would I ever visit my mother is Prescott, Arizona?
So far, in my conversations with the VA, the only thing they can say is that they did not do it. Proclaiming dignity does not erase their act.
Will they ever take responsibility for their actions based on false pretenses.
Will they acknowledge that this is a frustrating and agravating and expensive event for the consumer.
Thank you for reading.
» National Cemetery Administration » Facts » Consumer Affairs Guidance
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| CYA at the NCA--Let's look into what happened. |
VA cemetery staff sometime receive complaints about policies or practices in the private sector that Veterans and their families find offensive or misleading. In many cases, staff cannot intervene, but there are organizations that may be able to help. Consumers may want to contact the references listed here. The important thing is to select the most constructive approach to resolving your particular concerns.
Call or write the firm directly. Find out what is actually being offered. Let the firm know why you object to their practices or policies. Many times a cemetery or funeral home is owned by a larger business. If so, it may be worthwhile to write the parent company to express a complaint.
