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Living with Anxiety & Depression//Failing As A Mom//Learning to Let Go

Thank you, Kim, for taking time to share your very important story with us.

From the You Tube page:

Follow me on Instagram @kimssouthernsanctuary

The Bradley Phillips Story July 17, 2023

The mystery of Bradley Phillips.

Thank you for listening.

Here we are at Christmas--Me, Mike Scott and Jean with Grandma and Grandpa--This was our holiday scene for so many years.

Here we are at Mother's 102nd at the Veterans Home in Clula Vista.  It was nice of scott to visit my mother but he overstepped his bounds.  Does anyone really think he did not know how to get in touch with me.

How The VA Steals Your Soul

GIANT HEELS & HOW TO DO HIGH HEELS THE RIGHT WAY #meghanmarkle #shoes #h...

Finding My Mother's Ashes July 15, 2023

Here is a podcast about my mother's ashes.

It details the hijacking of her remains by my cousin and the VA and the NCA--The National Cemetery Administration.

I do have so many questions about what happened and this is just the beginning.

To be continued.

Thank you for reading and listening.

There are many posts on this blog about this subject.

#VeteransAdministration  #NationalCemeteryAdministration  #VA  #NCA  #FindingMyMother'sAshes

Lu

Haunted Mansion | Disneyland Surprise

Will you be seeing this movie?  

Personally, I can't wait.

How The VA Steals Your Soul is a post from this blog about my mother's ashes and how I was betrayed by my cousin.

WHO WORE WHAT AT MEGHAN MARKLE & PRINCE HARRY'S WEDDING #princeharry #me...

randy heard, Prescott National Cemetery Director, should have called Neptune...

 randy heard, Prescott National Cemetery Director, should have called Neptune...

Should randy heard, Prescptt National Cemetery Dierector, have called Neptune?

Were there red flags?

My name was on the death certificate as the daughter, the destination of Greenwood was on the death cert, Neptune was on the death cert.....

But why did randy heard, Prescott Director, lie about having the death cert?

I wanted to know if he had the remains permit--this was with the ashes--I had to get a copy from cousin scott, to send to Greenwood where my mother owned her plot.

If they had all of that information--why didn't they just give me a call.

Wouldn't that have been easier and avoided this horrible incident.

The destination, alone, on the death cert is an issue--that alone is a red flag.

scott had to call me to give the okay so he could pick up the ashes from Neptune.

Certainly, randy heard, an experienced cemetery director, would have known this kind of thing.

He told me he did not know about me because he did not have the death cert because it was not required in the state of Arizona, therefore, I would not have been invited to the service.

But he did have the death certificate all along.

phillips, regional director, tells us this in an e-mail when he was questioned about what paperwork came with the ashes.

I kept assking randy heard, what papers were with the ashes--did you have the remains permit.

He repeatedly dodged the question and refused to answer telling me it was not required and good luck.

Initially he told me he did not have the death cert and he would patiently wait for me to get it.

I do not understand what was going on until this day--why all of the false statements.

scott told me, as he was bragging about burying my mother--as if he knew what to do and I did not--as if my mother and I did not have a brain--that he told someone at the cemetery the whole story and they agreed with him completely.

This would be how he did not know where I was or how to get in touch with me.

He saved the ashes from a pauper's grave.

"They had a 21 gun salute and I was the only one there."

"Why the heck didn't you just call me up?"  I said.

(There may have been a different word used other than "heck" but I will leave that to the imagination.)

Vince from Neptune has later affirmed to me that he never used those words and they simply do not apply.  He never could have done anything with the ashes without calling me because I am listed on the death cert as the NOK and the distination is Greenwood.

Would randy heard not know some of this info as an experienced cemetery director?

So if scott told the story to the cemetery would they not know about me?

The things do not add up and false staements are involved.

There are many stories on this blog that further explain the issue.

The issue of the NCA burying my mother and not letting me know.

She passed in 2020 and the service was inAugust of 2022.  It wasn't like I disappeared off the face of the earth.

My phone number could easily have been found with the DD214.

Scott had my number.

There is so much lying and covering-up involved--that is what is hurtful.

I am asking them for honesty.

Should we expect honesty from a Ntional Cemetery Director when it comes to placing the ashes of a loved one.

Should we expect honesty from the government.

Is it wrong to trust the government.

Asking randy heard--why did you lie about the death cert?

If anyone has any tips or suggestions my name is Sherry McDowell and my number is 316-347-9710.

Thank you for reading.

Here we are at the VA Home in Chula Vista on mother's 102nd.  It is kind of odd for scott to act like I did not exist.  To me it is stretch for anyone to believe that.

How the VA Steals Your Soul

 How the VA Steals Your Soul

I AM SICK OF BEING SHAMED BY MY COUSIN AND THE VA.......

Because they do not listen and they do not communicate.

They refuse to answer questions and they refuse to talk about it.

The VA and the NCA take their stance of innocence, and in this case tried to shame me for asking questions.

The problem:

They buried my mother and they did not let me know--but why.

Mother passed and was cremated at Neptune according to her plans.

At the height of COVID everything including funerals and burials were on hold.

We had all lived in San Diego forever and my cousin, while visiting, offered to pick up the ashes for me--I said okay as he visited my mother and liked her.

Later we would meet at Greenwood where she owned her plot in SD, and put her in the ground.

Even though she owned her plot, she often talked about it,  the price to dig the hole was 2000 dollars and grew to 3000 within 6 months.

My cousin and I had discussed this trip many times--to meet in San Diego and place the ashes at Greenwood.

After many discussions I said I wanted to wait--thinking of a possibility of Miramar since she was a Veteran.

He became angry and refused to take my phone calls and texts after I said waiting would work out better for me.

Four months later he began talks with the National CemeteryAdministration to place her ashes at Prescott National where he lived.

He willfully withheld info to the burial scheduling office and the cemetery in order to place her ashes without my knowledge.

In other words--he did not want me to know what was going on--behind my back.

Even though we have a history of 20 phone calls he claimed he did not know how to contact me.

Here is Scott Varley sending me the Remains Permit in November later claiming he did not know my phone number so there was no way to invite me to the service.

One more problem......

My name is on the death certificate.

The death certificate was scanned with the ashes--they had the death cert with my name, daughter, and the destination as Greenwood.

After research with other national cemeteries one has learned that if there are red flags the cemetery can check with the mortuary, or in this case, Neptune.

The cemetery director, randy heard, would not tell me he had the death cert.

In fact, after being questioned many times, he said he did not have it as it was not required.

He told me that many times.

He would not tell me how they process paperwork that accompanies the ashes.

Yet, he often spoke about the fact that I would need a court order to move the ashes.

He refused to discuss the policy for scanning paperwork that comes with the ashes.

How do I know he had the death cert......

Finally, in desperation I asked phillips, regional director, if the remains permit (also, showing the destination)  was with the ashes....what paperwork was with the ashes?

I knew the remains permit was with the ashes becauses scott had to send it to me to send to Greenwood.

Phillips answered back--the death cert was scanned as paperwork with the ashes.

Keep in mind, heard said he would not have known about me because he did not have the death cert because it was not required--therefore there was no way to let me know about the service.

Once I had the facts about the scanning policy, the death cert, the lies about not having the death cert--heard refused to talk.

randy heard, Director of Prescott National Cemetery claiming he did not have the death cert but he would wait for me to get it.

They like to send 'no-reply' letters back.......

After accusing heard of being less than honest--he claimed scott did not make any false statements and the VA did not do anything wrong--Lisa Pozzebon sent me back a letter that I could rest assured saying that randy heard, Prescott cem director, was truthful.

So right away we knew this was incorrect--we had the phillips statement about the death cert.

But the letter was no-reply.

Are they living in a fantasy world or what?

It is disgusting--it is sickening--it leaves one with a horrible feeling in the pit of their stomach.

What is their goal?

Do they think they are fooling people--do they think the public is really, really stupid?

Did heard simply not want to be bothered--he could have easily found my number at Neptune.

Neptune and Greenwood are on the death cert. 

What happened?

Disheartened with the VA and the NCA--I do like them--they took wonderful care of my mother at the VA home in Chula Vista.

To be continued.

My name is Sherry and here is my phone number:  316-347-9710

If anyone has any tips or suggestions please let me know.

I wanted to wait--my beautiful lady was really too old to make the trip and the trip prior was really so difficult for her.

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"I Saved Aunt Frances From A Pauper's Grave"

 "I Saved Aunt Frances From A Pauper's Grave."

This is the mantra of my cousin, Scott Varley.

He repeats this statement often and to anyone who is available to listen.

Written about in this blog on many posts, he offered to pick up my mother's ashes for me when he was visiting San Diego.

He called me from Neptune and asked if he could pick the ashes up and I agreed as it saved me a big trip.  We all had lived in San Diego forever.

Bird Park in San Diego at Balboa Park

We would meet later and place her ashes at Greenwood where she already owned her plot next to her parents and brothers, one of them being Scott's father.

Moving from San Diego at the height of COVID, with all funerals and burials on hold, I had told Vince at Neptune I would pick up the ashes before Christmas to which he agreed.

Vince had my phone number as we had spoken more than once on the phone.  He never mentioned to me any urgency in getting the ashes nor was I late in picking them up.

I had to speak to Vince and give my permission for Scott to take the ashes as I am the NOK on the Death Certificate and on the Human Remains Permit.

I also have the Durable Power of Attorney, the NOK in the trust and the Advanced Health Care Directive designating me as the one to make decisions for my mother, then my children.

Of course, Scott knew these things since he visited her at the Veterans Home in Chula Vista where she stayed.  He well knew I was in charge of her affairs and often reminded me of her desire to be at Greenwood.  She often spoke of this and was very proud of the fact that she had her arrangements made and paid for well in advance.

scott's words were confusing to me as he identified himself as the ashes savoir.  Reminding him I was never late in getting the ashes and no one ever mentioned this kind of thing to me.  I do understand time frames--being late and being on time.

One of the problems with the 'Pauper's Grave" statement was that he told it to the VA and the burial scheduling office for the NCA.

This created an issue...

philllips, regional director, told me he had to take the words of scott into consideration.  He said my words were irrelevant when I tried to show him that scott had made false statements and, indeed, knew my phone number.

Why did scott do everything in secret without letting me know?

I knew phillips was hanging on these words as he recited the 'pauper's grave' statement back to me on more than one occasion.  I had never used those words but often heard them from scott.

Calling Vince at Neptune in exasperation, one finds this is another false statement from scott varley.  Vince explained he has been in the business for 30 years and he has never used those words.  He said those words have never been used at Neptune and they do not apply.  

Vince assured me he could never have done anything with the ashes unless I gave my consent and further more, the only place they could have gone was Greenwood, the destination on the Human Remains Permit that accompanied the ashes.

Scott sending me The Remains Permit to send to Greenwood in November and in March claiming he did not know my phone number.

Vince told me on Friday, June 9th, 2023, that scott absolutely did not get that phrase from Neptune and he must have gotten it in a different place.  Vince said he would not be able to do anything with the ashes without calling me first.

So where did scott get this story and why did he tell it to the VA and the NCA?

He tried  very hard to create the narrative that I was nowhere to be found and he was very glorius in his actions.

But that is false--he had my phone number all along--speaking with me 4 months before he initially called the burial scheduling office and there was never any emergency about picking up the ashes.

There was never an urgency regarding time as scott indicated.

I told Vince I would definitely be sharing this new information with the burial scheduling office and the cemetery and the regional office of the NCA, and the NCA headquarters,  

I do not want this incorrect information in my mother's file.

Why did scott varley work so hard to paint a picture of me as a derelict regarding my mother.

Here is the question--will phillips be interested?  Do they want the truth or do they want to stay with their false narrative?

I am worried as randy heard, Prescott Cemetery director, said scott varley did not make any false statements.  He boldly proclaimed this to me and then added the 'The VA did not do anything wrong.'

Again, confusing since one other person at the cemetery told me scott varley absolutely made false statements which he had to swear to in an investigation.

It seems like phillips and heard do not want my info and want to create their own narrative....but why.

Keep in mind, we have heard saying he did not have the death cert when he had it all along and still refuses to say if he has the remains permit.

Please take this new information into consideration in any evaluation of the situation.

jay dalrymple, director of The Burial Scheduling Office at the NCA, was not only not interested, but told me that many people make false statements these days.

After trying to complain to someone at the burial scheduling office from the beginning, where scott made his initial false statements,  jay dalrymple's lack of interest or respect for the truth was shocking. 

jay dalrymple said phillips and heard were in charge of everything.  I repeated more than once they were not interested in what I had to say, had lied about the death cert. and said I was irrelevant.

Oddly, jay dalrymple says phillips is in charge of the initial statement and phillips says the scheduling office or jay dalrymple is in charge of the statement.  

Explaining the actions of the National Cemetery Administration were based on false statements by scott varley, he simply was not one bit interested.

I am just going around and around and it is extremely frustrating.

Where do I go with my complaints about dalrymple and phillips?  They refuse to say the name of their superior and are offended if one asks them questions.

dalrymple hung up on me rather than be questioned.  dalrymple, phillips and heard are not courteous--there should be a chain of command regarding complaints.  Certainly, I am not the only person to ever complain.

It states in the NCA policy that Veterans and their loved ones should be treated with courtesy.

Making false statements is not courteous and my mother does not deserve that.

The picture scott has created about me is humiliating and false and it is not dignified for my mother.

Here is Vince at Neptune in San Diego:

619-561-6400

Here is my mother and my doggie girl at the VA home in Chula Vista.

More Messages from Scott Varley

 Scott Varley said he did not know my phone number or how to contact me.

He told the Veterans Administration he did not have any idea where I was.

Did he tell the National Cemetery Administration Burial Scheduling Office about the trust or the advanced health care directive.  Did he mention to Prescott National Cemetery that my mother already owned her plot at Greenwood in San Diego, next to her parents and his father.

Did Scott Varley willfully make false statements to the Federal Government and withhold information so I would not know he was placing my mother's ashes at Prescott National?

My mother did have all of these things in place.

From the VA website:

An Advance Directive is a legal form that helps your doctors and loved ones understand your wishes about medical and mental health care and make decisions about your care, if you are not able to make decisions for yourself.

An Advance Directive is the best way to ensure that your future medical care reflects your wishes.

The VA Advance Directive includes sections that allow you to identify the person who would make decisions for you (also called a Health Care Agent) and to specify your treatment preferences. Those sections are:

• Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care – the part that says who will make decisions for you
• Living Will – the part that details your wishes about treatments

The VA honors all types of legal Advance Directives, including forms from another state, Department of Defense or VA.

That is Scott next to Grandpa snoozing.

Scott Varley claimed he did not know my phone number or where I was.

I trusted Scott with my mother's ashes.  He treated my mother and I as if we did not have a brain or could not make decisions.  He completely disregarded her wishes.  His disrespect for women is out of this world.

He seems friendly in the text, but once I hesitated about placing the ashes and wanted to wait his communication skills suffered.